"The bridge" analogy

The school campus is really ... REALLY in the middle of nowhere! It's a really good place for solitude and retreats ... well ... basically turned my reading mode on, as, even the internet usage is limited that no way to watch youtube or similar, there's nothing to do other than reading. I guess I will post some pictures up in the next blog entry :) so stay tuned :)

I've been looking forward for this course about gender issues and counselling. The readings are quite heavy, yet, very interesting, so I decided to keep a little reading log along the way ...

"... Behind the 'two are better than one' Scriptures is the idea that two independent persons have unique strengths to offer each other and the relationship. Without two separate identities, interdependence is not possible. Some hold to the false notion that dependency or fusion is the ideal: 'I can't do it without you, and I must lean on you to be strong.' Two overly dependent persons hanging on to each other for dear life have no solid ground on which to stand when things get difficult or an unexpected stress hits."

"... Empowerment occurs when two equal partners influence each other. Interdependence is the intent. Spouses who are secure and self-confident can express them selves honestly and directly. In doing so, they have an opportunity to listen and to know the deeper feelings and thoughts of their spouse so they can come to a decision out of mutual respect and regard. Individual power is translated into relationship strength. When each spouse is able to sta

nd solidly on his or her own feet, using the personal resources and relational strengths that have been developed mutual empowerment happens..."

by Ronal Pierce and Rebecca Groothuis

The whole article goes on to depict the whole concept of marriage as partnership for life. The growth sense of self is a rather key component in empowering the marriage ... yet ... not letting it carried away to be overly egocentric. It somewhat reminds me of an analogy I used in one of my sessions with my clients to explain healthy what a healthy boundary and sense of self looks like in a relationship. That's my little 'bridge analogy'

[haha, don't challenge me on the actual engineer of it, I just thought of this little picture of a bridge as I was taking a walk along steveston landing 2 years ago ... hehee]

The pillars that support the bridge have to be stand at a precise distance in order to avoid collapsing. It cannot support the bridge if the 2 pillars are too far apart, nor can they be too close. the only way that make a bridge stand with 2 pillars is to make them stand at certain distance. ... well ... I guess it somewhat applies to relationships (whether it's family relationships, friendships, marriages, ...etc). When 2 people are too enmeshed, at least one will get suffocated, but when they are too distant ... needs for companionship and intimacy will never be met. And perhaps, in seeking the the unique meaning as a Christ follower in our lives shapes our identity and give shape of our sense of self  ... hum hum  ...

... incomplete thoughts lingering ...