沒工作的日子

當在忙到透不過氣來的日子， 我會想放大假；
但是， 但是當沒工作的日子時， 卻好不自然 ...
又not exactly沒工作， 只是一月十九日在開始學位的最後三科 ...
差不多full time study的日子快來了 ...

其實， 我很期待這段短短安安靜靜的日子 ...
安靜的聆聽 ...
不知何時開始， solitude對我是那麽重要 ...
可能是有時我覺得我說話太多， 少了聆聽 ...
又可能是我知道有好幾樣人生大事要想想而想安靜一下 ...

講真，心有有幾番話想跟我一班好好的同工和可愛無比的學生分享 ...
讓我好好的collect my thoughts才說吧 ...

Oh, set up 個讀經scheme給自己都好bor ...
Started to pick up my reading on Henri Nouwen's writings ... so refreshing ...

but so far, not used to days without work ...

I hope Spring wil come sooner ... I need the refreshing air ...

每天每刻獻上為你

If my heart has a bulletin board ... 

I am definitely sure God has put the following sticky notes on it over the past 10 years ... 

"Long, come and be my servant"

"In my Name, I called you to be a counsellor for my people ... "

"Long, I torn you apart for I will rebuild you to bring glory to my Name"

"Don't be afraid, just keep going ... ask for strength you need each day, I will give you whatever you ask in my Name"

"You will be a blessing to many broken souls ..."

"Pray for those whom I called you to pray for ... "

"Long, honor my calling for you"

... every step of the way, God would put a sticky note on my bulletin board ... 

This song has been playing in my heart for the past little while. The minor key in this song ... just fits so perfectly with the lyrics ... and it became my prayers to our Lord ... 

神，你聖潔，當得尊貴，內心歡呼拍掌，今我全屬你，我的主，

神，你帶領，恩典經過，內心感恩喝采，今獻上為你，屬於主，

我要每天每刻都讚頌，你是神，你施恩典，你手相牽，令我滿有信心，

我要每天每刻都讚頌，你是神，獻出一生，交於主你手中。

Yup, I will this song onto my Lord's bulletin board! and this ... 

God, You are super duper truper gruper good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

豬肺湯的懷念

掛住一個在生的人，

還可以寫個message, 打個電話，SMS ...

但是，

我今晚掛住的是 ...

公公，媽咪和我好愛的一個女人 ...

好掛住婆婆 ... 

因為,

今晚喝了她被天父爸爸接回天家前為我跟媽咪特別弄的 ...

豬肺湯 ...

... 都是明天打給公公跟他玩玩IQ問題先!!!!

Today's headlines

I took my Subaru Babe to shop for replacing his window shield today ... I walked over to Tim Horton's to wait for my buddy to pick me up for work  ... 

Tim's was so busy in the morning ...

The entertaining part was that for the 45mins I sat there to read for my papers ... I overheard dialogues of the top 3 headlines on today's paper ...

1. 要救市

2. Election today

3. New Mac Announcement

haha ... basically, I didn't miss my daily routine to listen to news on radio ... :P

Journeying with John online ...

Yup, I am giving another shot at an online course this term. Gave so much thought about whether I should pick up a course this term,  with all diligence and my new 'trainer' (Ken ... haha) ... I have decided to give another shot. All study schedule well planned ... cutting down leisure (no more youtubing at night), adding exercise, using my annual leave ... hope to take another course down my list!

Taking online course is quite stressful, especially if the prof demands a particular amount of online activities. I remember when I was taking my counselling ethic's course, the whole class almost got internet-addiction after 4 months of torture. Literally, we had to reply and to response to those who commented on our response within 24hrs, or else marks will be taken off from us. Plus endless readings and writing on ethical cases ... wow!! Well well ... we filed in a complaint after this course ... I mean a REAL official complaint!! 

This course doesn't seem as brutal, but can't underestimate it at all. Gotta read the whole book of John in a total of 8 times in the upcoming 10 weeks + reading reflection. Plus, weekly lecture ... plus about 50 pages of writings. Though there's no rigid time limit for my to reply those responses of my thread, I still have to respond in a timely manner to get the marks going. So, I guess less of a chance for internet-addiction, but still reply within the same week. 

Well well ... beyond all these, I actually hope this class serves a devotional purpose for my own walk with God too. As long as there's no more 'crazy and unexpected' thing happen in the coming 10 weeks or so ... I think(hope) I can finish well on this!!! 

The more exciting thing about this class is that I met my old-time counselling buddy in this online class. She gave birth to a baby boy last year and striving to finish the degree by next year. So so so ... hopefully, maybe we could walk across the stage in the same convocation next year!!!

Gotta get back to reading ...

p.s. Gotta thank my 'handsome and wise' boss for checking out books for me from library ... saving me big bucks!!!! hahahahahha ... rubbing shoes ah! hahahahahah 

在Vancouver的Calgary

原來，有時掛住一個地方可以是因為掛住那地方的人 ...

可能，我掛住Calgary也是如此 ...

Calgary的團契導師，牧師和師母這幾天也來了Vancouver同出席一個婚禮。

謝謝他們帶來的鼓勵和關心。

他們也一直為近日我與天父的drama祈禱，也交換了眼淚唷！

Really treasure these friendships in the body of Christ!! 

其實，天父給了我和Ken有好多這些amazing people in our lives! 

We are loved and cared for! :)

Pray that we both can also be companions for you guys in our journey with 天父爸爸唷！

這一切不是必然，卻是恩典唷！

好熱

真的好熱，幸好今年家中添置了一台新fan ...

近日，太多又新又奇的事情發生了，

我覺得有點耗盡了我的brain power去應對，

令我這幾個星期也用我的「後備電」生活。

我想安靜下來也不能 ... 未能安靜對我而言卻是大忌也！

前幾日，Ken一心帶我到海灘走走，點知，我們的敏感一同發作，我們走都走唔切 ... 

天父天父，求你帶我靜靜的到你面前 ... please, baba!

Missing pieces

There was a piece of me went missing for 24 years ...

A piece that was meant to be where I find could my security ...

A piece that was meant to be where I could put my trust in ...

That piece was gone due to some wrongful decisions in his life ...

There were days as I was growing up that I wanted to look for that missing piece ... 

but I didn't have the courage.

There were days when I grieved for the loss for that piece ...

Years gone by without that missing piece ...

A picture with a missing piece started to become the perfect picture ...

God transformed my life through that empty spot in my life ... a place deeply yearning for love, for acceptance, for loyalty, for protection ...

It was through that missing piece that I humble come before our Lord ...

As God knows that I am above to step into another stage of my life and journey with Him ... 

He simply knows I needed to mend that missing piece ...

He made things happened that way He wanted to ...

Streams of healing tears mended the wounds ...

As I reflect, how much I thank the important people in my life who raised me up with extraordinary love and patience ... 

Although one part of me was missing ... 

but God gave me so much more ...

'cause He loves me and He knows what I needed to walk through those growing years ... 

This has been a Psalm that comforts me ...

Psalms 146:8-10

"... the Lord gives sight to the blind, 

the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, 

the Lord loves the righteous. 

The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, 

but he frustrates the ways of the wicked. 

The Lord reign forever, you God, O Zion, 

for all generations. 

Praise the Lord." 

If Our Lord desires to use His story through me, I am ready ... just show me the way to reach out to the wounded ... My Father, hear my prayers ... 

Thank you to all my angels for prayers and care ... love you all :) 

Our God is in control!

A different kind of "fee lee fat let" ...

This is a different type of Fee Lee Fat Let from last time. I think I am getting the gift of Canada ... Hay Fever. Oh my ... I thought I have a cold, but turned out ... it's my 1st round of Hay Fever!!!! Ken has been Fee Lee Fat Let for the past few weeks and I kept wondering how it feels like to have hay fever ... well ... sigh ... I shouldn't have such thought ... ! And now, I can have so much empathy for him and became one of his companions. I don't even know what I am allergic to ... grass? pollen?

Should I get allergy meds? ... ahhhh ... Hut-chiuuuuuuuuuuuuu ...

New Life in Christ

The students shared 2 songs with us ^_^

These 2 pictures were very very funny! A few students kindly offered help to move some benches from the front of the sanctuary to the foyer. Their videoman wanted to shoot the scene ... but the 'movers' walked too fast ... then the videoman asked the students to walk back to where they go then bench and walk again (consider that it was rather heavy!) Other students heard that the videoman is shooting again ... haha ... the rest of the whole gang ran to 'pretend' offering help to carry the heavy bench. One of them said "我要爭取出鏡機會" ... hahaha ... well ... so basically the 2nd shot has way more people law! hahaha ... they are simple cute!!!

Nothing is greater than God's almighty power ...

Zheng Sheng College's (Drug Rehab school in HK) principal

 and founder came to Vancouver with 12 others students. All the students are either substance abusers or admitted through court orders.  

Got to meet a few of the students during PP959 show last Sunday. They were the abandoned, neglect, abused ... they once lost hope ... they once wounded ... God reached out to them and healed many of their wounds ... though an ongoing process, ye

t, they are found. And in fact, we are all 'in-progress' ...

When I got to sit down with a few of them during dinner. We had such a good conversation. I felt like serving in gospel camps in RCAC in the old da

ys, surrounded by young folks whose

 lives are vibrant but once hurt and torn. They shared their stories with me, from hindsight, of how they longed for love and acceptance ... and ended up they gave up their life to drugs and other abuse of other sorts. Reminded me of my 2.5 years in Maples Adolescence Treatment Center ... 

When I was walking out to the parking lot ... a few kids whom we are chatted with came to said bye! Somehow, I missed them ...! I asked them to "加油，要堅持，天父的恩典夠你用。好好用天父給你的恩典幫助在掙扎的同學唷" ... don't know why, the guy nodded his head and his eye became watery ... so were mine's . As I asked him why he got teary ... I am amazed how God prompted me to say what I said ...

加油加油加油加油！

Yes, they are still struggling ... but they have God in their lives ...

There are more out there who are struggling without knowing who God is ... my heart aches ...

So many typos in this entry ... I am sooo tried from a long day of meetings and work ... but really wanna write these down before I hit my bed ...

心痛

這幾天也想寫篇blog 有關四川的地震，但是見到報紙和在網上的片段時，我的心真是為著他們很難過。Most probably,我不知到他們的名字；most probably, 我從未見過他們；但是聽到他們在如山般高的碎片叫著兒子的名子, 見到小女孩又嚷著要爸爸媽媽時，我卻跟他們一起流淚 ...

一月在Calgary上的Crisis Intervention counselling科時，我們花了好幾天在練習在天災中輔導方法時，心想「有幾可會用到？不如多教Suicidal 或 grieving 的更好！」

當我看到這幾天的報導時，我就跟覺的自己好膚淺 ...

我也不禁想起去Manitoba前完成的paper ... Crisis Intervention for parentally bereaved children ... I keep wondering how feasible it is to implement things that I suggested in my paper in this situation ...

Anyhow anyhow ...

Let's offer our prayers and help to those who are mourning secretly in their hearts ...

Christian Masquerade?

After a long day of class and right before dinner, I took a nice walk along "THE" river that gentle meandered through the meadow near the campus building. It was a little chilly and my windbreaker was just good enough. 

As I meandered, my conversation with God went on

... some are unfinished thoughts from the classes about being a woman (or even a man), 

... some are just praises for the works that God has brought to my life, 

... some are praying for names of people that came to my mind,

... some are things that didn't sit well in my heart about how people connect/disconnect with each other,

... the quest went on ...

Came back to the dorm and sat down to read a chapter from a book that our prof gave us before the end of the day ... somewhere along the chapter, it says ...

"... When I became a Christian, I was taught that anger was a sin. Wanting to be like Jesus, I stuffed all feelings of irritation, annoyance, resentment, and hatred. They were sins. right? ... When we do not process before God the very feelings that make us human, such as fear or sadness or anger, we lead." Our churches are filled with 'leaking' Christians who have not treated their emotions as a discipleship issue. Grieving is not possible without paying attention to our anger and sadness. Most people who fill churches are 'nice' and 'respectable'. Few explode in anger - at least in public. The majority, like me, stuff these 'difficult feelings,' trusting God will honor our noble efforts. the result is that we leak through in soft ways such as passive-aggressive behavior (e.g. showing up late), sarcastic remarks, a nasty tone of voice, and the giving of the 'silent treatment' ..." from

Perhaps, we can't change the whole world, but we ought to make a different in our own connection with people that God lead us to. 

Christian-masquerade is quite hurtful at times ...

"The bridge" analogy

The school campus is really ... REALLY in the middle of nowhere! It's a really good place for solitude and retreats ... well ... basically turned my reading mode on, as, even the internet usage is limited that no way to watch youtube or similar, there's nothing to do other than reading. I guess I will post some pictures up in the next blog entry :) so stay tuned :)

I've been looking forward for this course about gender issues and counselling. The readings are quite heavy, yet, very interesting, so I decided to keep a little reading log along the way ...

"... Behind the 'two are better than one' Scriptures is the idea that two independent persons have unique strengths to offer each other and the relationship. Without two separate identities, interdependence is not possible. Some hold to the false notion that dependency or fusion is the ideal: 'I can't do it without you, and I must lean on you to be strong.' Two overly dependent persons hanging on to each other for dear life have no solid ground on which to stand when things get difficult or an unexpected stress hits."

"... Empowerment occurs when two equal partners influence each other. Interdependence is the intent. Spouses who are secure and self-confident can express them selves honestly and directly. In doing so, they have an opportunity to listen and to know the deeper feelings and thoughts of their spouse so they can come to a decision out of mutual respect and regard. Individual power is translated into relationship strength. When each spouse is able to sta

nd solidly on his or her own feet, using the personal resources and relational strengths that have been developed mutual empowerment happens..."

by Ronal Pierce and Rebecca Groothuis

The whole article goes on to depict the whole concept of marriage as partnership for life. The growth sense of self is a rather key component in empowering the marriage ... yet ... not letting it carried away to be overly egocentric. It somewhat reminds me of an analogy I used in one of my sessions with my clients to explain healthy what a healthy boundary and sense of self looks like in a relationship. That's my little 'bridge analogy'

[haha, don't challenge me on the actual engineer of it, I just thought of this little picture of a bridge as I was taking a walk along steveston landing 2 years ago ... hehee]

The pillars that support the bridge have to be stand at a precise distance in order to avoid collapsing. It cannot support the bridge if the 2 pillars are too far apart, nor can they be too close. the only way that make a bridge stand with 2 pillars is to make them stand at certain distance. ... well ... I guess it somewhat applies to relationships (whether it's family relationships, friendships, marriages, ...etc). When 2 people are too enmeshed, at least one will get suffocated, but when they are too distant ... needs for companionship and intimacy will never be met. And perhaps, in seeking the the unique meaning as a Christ follower in our lives shapes our identity and give shape of our sense of self  ... hum hum  ...

... incomplete thoughts lingering ...

MooMoo

I will be flying out to Manitoba this Sunday for my course on Providence campus in Otterburne. 

I remember how the spirit led me to mission conference in Jan 2004 and met a registrar there. There was a guy asking the registrar ...

Guy: So ... what do you have out in Otterburne other than the school building ...

R: Well, we have a river ...

Guy: Oh, nice ... what else?

R: Hum ... nothing ...

Guy: oh ... that's ... fun ~_~''

Oh great, so  ... I guess I will at least see a river in Otterburne ... and perhaps a bison or two. 

A month ago, I whined about how much school work I have on my plate, with all of God's Grace ... I survived through ... yet ... I still have 2 pending. I think I will be able to nail one down before I go on my trip (makes it ... at least I have all my stuff that I need to submit before my class).

After all, I really do pray that God keeps on speaking to me in the upcoming course about Gender Issues ... maybe it's something that God will use to narrow my counselling speciality. There are just too many non-sense little things happened lately ... my heart just tells me that all these non-sense will make sense one day. Well ... so ... I am not too worry ... as long as God is surfing the waves with me ... I am happy! God is faithful and good!

Moooomooooo my way out Vancouver skyline ... 

Oh, in fact ... I am not too sure if bison moomoos ... let me find out if I get to meet them on my trip. 

5-2=3

Well well ... I finished one long paper mid last week! 

As I was checking off and recounting the number of papers pending ... hahaha ... I realized ... I only have 3 more to go instead of 4! hahaha ... Why? Well ... I misread one of the lines. so so so ... only 3 more to go. But it already feels like I have actually KNOCKED one down litreally ... hahaha ... well well ... 

I told Ken that I 苦中作樂，Ken corrected that I am rather 自欺欺人! ~_~"....

Haha ... according to my trauma course, I think crisis is a self-interpretation that leads to a self-perception of a critical event, in this case, my papers! haha ... 

Paper Math: 5-2=3

Thanks God! haha!

差點想放棄

近日，放工回家就要不停看papers去做paper ... 

本來寫paper就是樂趣 ...

但是，近日身體有點怪怪加上工作好忙，做papers真不是味兒 ...

有一刻，真是想放棄我的Counselling Degree好了！

2004年開始讀，

以為2006畢業，

gao gao o下2008也未畢業！

今晚做到想「發pay氣」時 (也可能是只不過是看土豆的好excuse)，

無啦啦開了我放我這個degree的Memory Stick出來一看 ...

WAH ... With God's grace I have done so many classes already ... 

I am literally 4 classes away from finishing ... AHHHHHH

I need to press on ... (OOPS, no excuse to watch 土豆tonight)

問我知唔知點解天父要我gum多年都未畢業(well, 係allow)？而同時點解我對counselling的心亦從為冷卻？

我不知道！

我知道的就是我跟我當初入program時的我不同了！

我跟天父也'friend'了很多！

正在開工的是: Crisis Intervention for Bereaved Children  ...

Snowing March in Van

As I was driving out from the driveway this morning, I saw a piece of white flake falling from the sky. I guess my mind was somewhat in sleeping mode and I thought "ha? Who is throwing garbage at my car?" ... then I realized that it was actually SNOWING!

This is not such a big surprise after living in Calgary (the Winter wonderland) for a couple of years ... but it's kinda weird happening to Vancouver. 

Anyhow ... Drive safe everyone!!!

IMAX海鮮

受難節崇拜後，Ken竟然真的記得我說過想看IMAX的Deep Sea (他的記性真係要給他十個0力) ...

明明已跟團契吃完個飽飽午餐，但一邊看，一邊唔知點解個肚gulu gulu想吃的樣子 ...

再想想，在IMAX中見到好多深水動物 ...

令我想起很多食物唷！哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 ... 只不過我慣了看牠們個「死樣」

海鮮演員包括：

會夾夾夾gua gua聲逃出八抓魚的capture的帶子 ... 令我想起 ... Chopped Scallop Hand Cones!

在珊瑚礁上扮死的八抓魚 ... 令我想起 ... 飲茶時吃的炸「遊」魚! In fact, 明天就去飲茶!

給條好怪怪樣白色大魚吃了的蟹（吃完了還吐骨） ... 令我想起 ...在一朗亭的soft shell crabs!

一大條呆呆樣子好重磅的星斑！

好好好好好大堆海膽！

Casting真的好有"taste"! yumm ...

看完了好想有點guilty feeling因為人真是broke了很多天然food chains. 心想以後不吃牠們了！

結果，晚飯時我們一家吃了十多磅Alaska蟹（四食添）！OOPS ... 

上帝聽禱告

想起來，我的確可以是個幾固執的人。

我也不知到那份固執從何起。

Especially有關神的事。

有人說過這是堅持，我也不否認 ...

但，堅持跟固執卻只差一線。

過去好一段在「固執」中跟天父在角力 ...

他卻耐心地用愛和一些「定情標記」來提醒我他從未改變，

他給我的呼召也是如一 ...

當在崇拜聽到「著我賜恩福」的音樂奏起，

我的淚一滴一滴的流下來，

因為我知到上帝聽了我的禱告，

也答了！

我向天父為著我的固執而道歉，

也求天父教我為著他給過我的而堅持，

路會好長，角力或者會再捲土重來，

但我堅信天父的同在，

也忠於給天父管教 (ha ... big project!)

Glory In The Thorn - 恩召

This is not only a work-event, but a chance to foster transformation of lives and make people more in tune with God's very own heart. 

For I heard of many stories that have been going through the Jubies' lives during these months of practice, the worship experience was absolutely abundant. One prayer I constantly made whenever I prayed for this team was that the Holy Spirit would melt these melodies and lyrics in the things that each of one have been going through. Each and every of their worshipful soul is beautiful and shinning!! I am just proud of each one of them and I thank God for answering the prayer. 

A lot of things are knocking at my heart ... 

Folks, this is only the beginning of a transforming process. press on ... for God is with us every step of the way!